Places

I am having another life crisis after looking at that Vermont position.

I really love Vermont. I have such strong New England ties, I love the Land and the people, I love the culture. It’s so free and liberal and open. I feel like if I could wrap all of the things that I think and believe into a bundle and fit them somewhere it would be into Vermont.

But then there’s Baltimore. How did I let Baltimore creep up on me? I would never have thought of this place as somewhere I wanted to live. Not like I think of Belize, Guatemala, Italy, Montreal, and Greece. Those places have always sat in the back of my mind like little maps. They are places that I Google every month or so hoping airfare will drop to $200 and I will suddenly have everything I need to just go.

I can guarantee Baltimore wasn’t ever a Google search before last March. Now I love it too. I attend United Workers meetings, and people know my name. I get cups of coffee with Important People at Cool Coffee Shops. I attend film showings and know the ins and outs of the free art movement. I know which Farmer’s Market stall sells the most delicious kale and am building up my rooftop garden from the plants sold by my favorite vendor.

I have a church. It’s not the edgy church that I imagined myself finding. But those feel so fake anyway. It’s big, and it’s small. We have a small group that does potluck brunches and takes hikes along rivers. I go there and I hear and I drink up what our pastor says. The music is full of earth and air.

So, I am torn. I want to travel. I want to see new people and new places. South America is on the menu, definitely. But I also want a home. My feet need somewhere to sink into. I need a little space of my own and a city, or village, to call my own. Here in Baltimore I pass people on the street and know them. They ask about me and we smile. I know that Red Emmas has the best Miso Soup I’ve ever tasted and that the happy hour deals on Sushi in this city can’t be beat. I know how to find cheap yoga classes and where to go for live music. I am excited about urban gardening and the Bmore Food Not Lawns movement. I know people. I am beginning to have friends.

Here I have been myself. I haven’t lied about Faith or Food or Family. I have laughed more than I ever thought I would. I’ve gone to lectures and met people and Done Things in ways that don’t feel forced or fake or Not Me. I know I couldn’t do that in Boston, and I know I couldn’t do that at Home. I’ve begun to Trust Myself.

And yet Vermont stands. It is itself and it is in me. It is Freedom and Food Justice and silly old tractors left out in the field. It is Family, which can’t be left behind. New cousins I haven’t seen and young brothers that are almost moving on. It is past troubles and it is my very first garden. So what do I do with that?

I will just throw out a million nets. Big nets that reach all the way from Peru to Nova Scotia, from Baltimore to Greece. I’ll wait until they fill way way up and then see what I’ve brought in. Who knows where I will be in August.

april showers bring potted flowers

Maslenitsa

on tuesday night we had a very important guest. mr. bill mccarthy joined us over a delicious meal. since we are in the lively week of maslenitsa, leading up to lent, i thought it would be fun to have a russian feast! it was scrumptuous.

we had blini - блины
sauteed mushrooms and spinach - грибами и шпинатом
beet salad - винегрет
potato salad - картофельный салат
sour cream - сметана
blueberries - черника
maple syrup - кленовый сироп
jam - варенье
wine - вина (thank you bill!) and, of course,

водка

it was a lovely night, with lots of laughs, delicious food and fond memories of the motherland (for me...*sigh*). i miss russia a lot these days. i miss traveling, and am looking forward to potential travels around the world, but miss the comfortableness of having found friends and a place that i knew. it will be hard to start again anywhere, as it always is.

where in the world will i go next?

can you imagine having a yoga class here?
i can!
last night allison and i wandered over to baltimore's lavish conservatory for an evening of yoga with an instructor from charm city yoga, my home studio. we arrived early and strolled through the tropical room, the dessert room, the orchid room...

the class was slow and peaceful and was followed by a time of walking meditation through the night-filled conservatory.

there is even a conservatory cat who lives among the tropical plants and probably destresses the giant goldfish swimming languidly in their pool.

a gathering

1

tuesday we had a scrumptuous gathering. 15 people gathered around good food and passionate ideas. two men from baltimore's united workers
came to our home to share their stories and the stories of the struggles faced by low wage and temp workers from baltimore to egypt. the conversation and questions were both troubling and inspiring. i hope that something good will come out of it. both for the united workers and for our guests and ourselves.

Give Me S'more Cupcakes!

Once upon a time I got in the mood for cupcakes. I looked through my cookbooks and nothing looked peppy enough. Even my Vegan With a Vengence book didn't help. I was missing some key ingredients. I've tried to be innovative with baking before, and it's fallen through. This time, though, it worked. Isa Chandra Moskowitz gave me a helpful springboard in her Vegan Cupcakes take Over the World. I don't own the book, but have baked from my sister's copy before. This time I looked it up on good old Google Books.

I still didn't have all of the ingredients. I had to improvise. Here's what happened: delicious, nutty, fluffy S'more cupcakes that melted in our mouths. We nibbled on them while watching Glee and couldn't stop raving about them (even while Kurt's Valentine sang his romantic failure of a song, breaking all of our hearts for Kurt, if only for a moment).

Nutty S'more Cupcakes
¾ c brown sugar
¼ c cashew or peanut butter, melted
¼ c canola oil
1 ½ c milk alternative
2 T apple cider vinegar
2 tsp maple syrup
1 c whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
½ tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp cloves
¼ tsp powdered ginger
¾ c graham cracker crumbs

Icing:
1/4 - 1/3 c milk alternative
1/4 c earth balance
1/4 c peanut butter
1/4 c graham cracker crumbs
1/2 c powdered sugar, as needed

1/4 c organic dark chocolate shavings

How To:
Preheat oven to 350. Grease muffin tin.
Mix brown sugar, melted nut butter, oil, milk alternative, vanilla, and apple cider vinegar in a large bowl.
Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, spices, and salt into a separate bowl and mix. Add graham cracker crumbs. Mix well.

Add dry ingredients to wet in three batches, mixing well each time.

Fill each muffin tin ¾ of the way full. Bake for 22-25 minutes, or until toothpick, knife, or other utensil inserted comes out clean. Transfer to cooling rack and let cool completely before icing (my problem with patience is clearly apparent here).

For Icing
Mix together earth balance, soy milk and peanut butter well. Add powdered sugar by the tablespoon, mixing well, until a thin icing is formed. Add graham cracker crumbs. Mix well. Refrigerate until cupcakes are cooled.

Assembly:
Slather a generous amount of icing on top of the cupcakes. Sprinkle generously with grated chocolate. Add a broken off corner of a graham cracker for an added flourish. Serve immediately and enjoy!


I'm making these again on Tuesday for our United Workers Open House. Pictures to follow.

if i could just put all of my wishes and all of my good things and strengths and passions into one big pot, stir them up all together, mince up garlic, ginger, some juicy red onions, thyme and some rosemary, stir and stir, play a little regina in the background, dance a bit while it bubbles, sit in that patch of sun that hits the dining room table just right while it simmers, read a chapter of my book while it boils, and then, just as the sun is setting, while the basilica bells chime seven, i would ladle it out into a white clay bowl (it would be red, like tomato, making stains on the side), and slip in a wide, deep spoon. the first taste would be knowing. i could slip my mouth around the spoon (it might click against my teeth)and pour in the liquid. it wouldn't hit me, it's not too spicy or too rich, it would settle, deep and flavorful, into me. by the end of the bowl i would be scraping up the last drips. i might even set down the spoon and lick the sides of the dish. but it would be enough. i wouldn't go back to the pot and look into the garlic residue, clinging to the shining sides, and wish i had made more. everything in me, every ingredient needed would have gone in, and i would know just what step to take next. i would go out, well stirred, well seasoned, and richly ready for what is to come.

i felt just just like this walking home yesterday.

the sun was so rich and beautiful, but you know if you stop in the shade you'll be cold. i stopped beside the library, where the heat had been swallowed up into the wall and sidewalk. i think that our faces need the sun most of all. there's something just lovely about the sun on anything, but when i turned my face toward it, when i faced into the warmth, all of these grey layers of cold and slush, of frustration and bad ideas just peeled down off of me, over my grubby old boots, and away.



http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

I just came upon this. It's too beautiful.

http://www.barcelonayogaconference.cat/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=96&Itemid=97&lang=en

my blogalog needed a little facelift.

There are some Beautiful Things here...just look.

There are bracelets made of shell
found in a silly jokeshop for a dollar,
and sun in the morning when it's so very cold.
There are promises of friends,
an paint, thick on the end of a trembling brush.

The Whole World Over

I have been reading this year, just like I promised. Well, maybe not just like. I thought I'd be reading a lot more than I am, but I am still reading. This week (and last) I read The Whole World Over by Julia Glass. I picked it up at the Book Thing because of its good reviews and because the main character is a cook.

Julia Glass' writing is rich. The care she takes with her words makes the book a deep, delicious piece of chocolate cake, with hazelnut icing. Or perhaps one of Greenie's famous lemon tarts.

Glass follows four New Yorkers around the city, through their departures and travels, and in and out of old loves, lost memories, and new relationships. Greenie, a feisty baker, Alan, her troubled husband, and Walter, their flamboyant neighbor open the book with frustration and longing. Saga, a city-visitor, after her accident, is constantly struggling to remember words and old kindnesses. She stumbles upon new-old truths throughout.

The book itself was an opening of these doors for me. There are things that I'd forgotten with not-reading. The truth of a one-page conversation's ability to stir me through the rest of my day, a character's rigorous soul-searching way of stirring my own soul to look deeper.

The Whole World Over is no epic novel. The reading is quick and burbling. It turns pages quickly and doesn't force heavy questions upon the reader. The knowing is in the sweet taste of strawberry on just-light-enough angel food cake, the watchfullness of returning memories, and each character's willingness to step out into vulnerability.

New Things

I am learning that there are SO many different kinds of people in the world. Like your supervisor. And mine. And your neighbor. And your mom. And even Me.

Actually, I was thinking the other day that some people are SO crazy and others are so random and scattered and yet can be both sucessful and competent with friends and careers and love lives that being stable and functional just seems silly. I look at them and think, ok, I can be a little bit over the top too, can't I? Uniformity is too much work. Be a wild child! Make people confused!

I Have a Buisness Card Now. I Am A Very Important Person.

Mornings are not my most productive time. I go to bed at night with all of these plans for what I'm going to do in the morning before work bouncing around behind my very tired eyes. My easel is all set up, with the beginings of a beautiful peice on it. I have poems to write, sun salutaions to practice, and cleaning to do. There's a box of clean laundry to fold and five emails to reply to. I have my resume to work on and jobs to search for. All of these things line up against the inside of my eyelids as my planning, rushing mind winds down.

In the morning my alarm goes off at 6:35. It's set for 6:35 because I want to get up at 6:40 and my phone has a 5 minute snooze. At 6:50 I roll out of bed. Painting, writing, yoga, cleaning and emails are left behind in bed. I wash, dress, and stumble downstairs. By the time I have thrown my lunch in my bag and cooked my oatmeal, I have 15 minutes till departure time (o-7:35hours).

I have decided to let the work go. To let the business be. Mornings are not my most productive time. I have decided to read.

I love to read. When I finally embraced my mornings as my readnig time, I began to actually make it through books that I have had for ages. I picked up some new (old)books at The Book Thing too and have been reading through them.

In the late morning and early afternoon I get my creative rush. I want to make somethnig, do something, be something! I am, of course, stuck at work answering phone calls, but at least I know that I still have the drive.

-- book reviews to follow --

this is going to be a very broad statement.
if there is anyone in the world that i would like to make art just like, it would be sabrina. her art is sad and beautiful and aching, with joy and dripping juicy bites of real real live all sandwiched in.

did you forget about me?

well, i forgot about me.